# Dating sites better than okcupid

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I think if a persons main goal is find somebody, get married as soon as possible and start having kids then you should probably stay in a specific age range but if a person is looking to have a wide variety of experiences, enjoy life and gain some good memories then age should not be a factor. Without paying a cent, you can create a profile, post pictures, answer questions for matching, view other profiles, like other profiles, and send messages to other users arguably the most important component of any online dating platform. For those who are not averse to spending some money to get quality partners, and effective dating website.\
&#x20;![dating sites better than okcupid](https://www.brit.co/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/online-dating-feat.jpg)\\

So my OKC profile had no u listed. Time to move on. It was perfect in the way it was…. OkCupid stands out as the odd site, where something is fundamentally wrong. I have a Match. As for quality, I went out with one guy who had a girlfriend yeah. Rule 6: Consider becoming an atheist Mentioning your religion helps you, but, paradoxically, it helps you most if you have no religion.

Nugget 1: OkCupid's Algorithm Limits Your Matches With every question that you answer on the site, there are folks that essentially get removed from your search results, and you from theirs. Yet doing this research unlocked a secret — the OkCupid ecosystem actually puts women at a huge advantage. I have to agree with Roger above — the whole process just becomes psychologically damaging after a while.\
&#x20;![dating sites better than okcupid](http://a5.mzstatic.com/us/r30/Purple/v4/d5/61/d5/d561d526-31e0-8eda-b4f8-5b12fc30d675/screen1136x1136.jpeg)\\

**5 Free Dating Sites Like POF** - I was positive about the prospects for each of these sites. Which ones to you like the best: Boring car commercials or those randomly funny Bud Light commercials?\
&#x20;![dating sites better than okcupid](http://andthatswhyyouresingle.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/esq-marty-match-268x300.jpg)\\

I get it, because like you, I was in a similar boat with my own dating profile recently, and I also received many questions from readers and friends just like you with the same issues on an almost daily basis. Instead of continuing the cycle of frustration, I decided to perform some research, talk to a few folks smarter than I, test things out for myself, and report back my findings, tweaking many things along the way to improve results. I should also note mathematician Christopher McKinlay's small book, , as a major factor in this process. I'll share where I've borrowed heavily from his research and findings, and where it took me on a different, yet related, path. Ready to get started? You'll want a few hours over the span of about a week to complete everything on this how-to, although you can pick and choose whichever tactics suit your needs best. Start with a fresh or use the one you've created in the past - this all works equally either way. You will however need an account with , and access to the computer-based version instead of just the app. Continue to 2 of 5 below. Why You Want to Freshen Up Your OkCupid Profile. For the rest of you, let's talk briefly about the why's and how's of what you've done so far with the popular dating site, and what your focus needs to be from now on in. How's your experience with OkCupid going? If you're like me, I had a fair number of folks contacting me with my old , however most were well outside my desired age range 15+ years my senior , lived more than 1,000 miles away, or sought some form of. While I'm superpeachykeeno with and the like, I've learned I'm wired for more monogamous leanings, so this was a source of frustration for both me and the people trying to catch my attention. My friend Matt was in a different place, yet just as frustrating. He rarely had anyone look at his profile, and on average received 2-5 messages or replies every six months. When he shared this with me over drinks, I was shocked; this is an exceptionally intelligent young man working on a PhD, and who has the good fortune of being head-turningly attractive to boot. While he is a bit awkward with reading and responding to social cues, these things are far from an issue online usually. So, I went to work. Why were we, and other folks like us, having such a hard time of it? Nugget 1: OkCupid's Algorithm Limits Your Matches With every question that you answer on the site, there are folks that essentially get removed from your search results, and you from theirs. Unless you search for a very small subset of the site more to come on this later , you're only going to see people with certain markers in common. This means that The Perfect Person For You might have a fantastic picture posted to catch your eye, and match with you 97%, however because of the way the site is setup you'll be hard pressed to randomly run across them, or them you. Folks who clicked on these highlighted words would then see a list of folks who had the same things highlighted. You can still use these brackets again, we'll talk about this more later , however most folks just write whatever comes to them when they sign up, and then leave it at that. Why does this matter? The words that you use - all of them - are now searchable in some form. So Matt had a mention of not looking for single parents, and I had on mine the diddy above about polyamory - that while I'm 100% accepting of it, I think it's better suited for other folks. Inadvertendly, we both had our profiles showing up more often than not in searches made by single parents and poly couples. Nugget 3: The More Often You Update, The More You Appear in Search Most of the offer some sort of pay-per-use feature to place your profile at the top of the search results, like and. OkCupid does something similar with their Message Boost feature just look at your picture on the right side of the page when reviewing messages for a link , however you can do something similar for free by just updating your profile in some small yet significant way on a regular basis. Ignore your profile and just focus on trying to contact people or answer emails, and you'll quickly drop down in the search results. Case in point: When I do nothing to my profile and avoid the site for a few days, I can easily see that my profile gets returned in search results 150-400 times a day, on average. With the other tweaks I'll talk about in more detail in the next few sections of this article, I've consistently had my profile viewed in excess of 3000 times a day, while my friend Matt is now so swamped with date offers, he took his profile offline. Continue to 3 of 5 below. What Do You Really Want From OkCupid?. This is why your focus is incredibly important when using online dating sites, but OkCupid especially. Let's experiment a bit. If you've got an profile right now, or even if you're just setting one up, go and do a basic search. Click on Browse Matches on the top left of the screen after logging in, then switch your filters to whatever pleases you, making sure you sort by Match %. Click on Search, and take a quick boo at your first three matches - which technically should be your highest Match % on the site. When I started this process, I had zero matches over 80%, and Matt had only a handful over 80%. If this is the case with you as well, all is well - we'll fix that soon. Take a look at the three top matches, and their profiles. Ignore their pictures for now, just read what they've written. I'll bet you that one, if not all three, have similarly-worded profiles to yours. I know mine did; one actually had five of the exact phrases I did that weren't quotes and two had similar musicians listed in their likes. Take note of these similarities, and look at a few more profiles if need be to see a pattern - because there will be one. Maybe they all have tattoos, or love live music. Perhaps they're all older than you, or of a certain race. No need to write anything down, just take note. It should be quite obvious to you very quickly that there's a pattern here, which is great! The thing is, is it a pattern you're happy with? Likely not, or else you wouldn't be here. So what's the first step in changing this? Figuring out what you want. Easier said than done, I know, so let's start with some rules: you can only have 2-3 things, they must be crucial for you, and they have to be somehow quantifiable. These things can easily change, so just use whatever comes to mind first. I started with people within a five year age range that like curvy women, and shared a specific interest. Matt chose women with a specific body type and race with a strong creative bent. I've had folks choose lesbian-only farmers within 50 miles, men under 30 seeking marriage that read voraciously, and 40-something women who like fit men that are overweight themselves. Really, the sky's the limit here - you decide what you want. Now that you have a general list, please write it down and put it next to your computer for the rest of this process. You'll want to refer to it often to stay focused, or change it and start again if you find your wants evolve. How Do You Answer Questions on OkCupid?. The reasoning is simple: if you just answer questions nilly-willy, you'll get similar results. You actually do want to , right? With your list of 2-3 must-haves in hand, log back into OkCupid, and find your Profile there's usually a link at the top of every page. Click on Questions, and then look for the button on the right side that says Clear All Answers, and click on it. Why are you clearing all your answers though, answers you've spent likely hours cultivating? They a huge part of why the folks you want to meet elude you, and thus we're starting from scratch. If you truly want to meet someone amazing, you have to let go of whatever hasn't worked before. Messaging to say this didn't work - but - you skipped this step, will have me reaffirming everything I've shared here. If for some reason you can't let go of the questions, start another profile. Now, let's start answering some questions, borrowing heavily from the tactics shared in. The best way I can explain this is to do so by example. Example: How often do you keep your promises? Try to focus on the questions with four options where possible in this case, it is. One question for me - Would you honestly answer any question concerning your sexual history that a partner might ask? If the question offers four options, such as the promises one, pick your answer. Then, pick three of the four other answers that you can live with your potential match answering, and then choose Very Important. Again, it must be Very Important to you, so just skip anything that's irrelevant. Why are we doing this? McKinlay explains this better than I ever could in Optimal Cupid, but in a nutshell, you want to match with the highest number of potential matches, while still filtering out anyone who fits someone else's perfect criteria. Repeat For Ten Questions Wow, really? You're going to find very quickly that you're skipping more questions than you're answering, and that's okay. For most people, it'll take 100 or more questions to find ten that you can and want to answer using the criteria listed above. Feel free to take a break after you've found your first ten, because this will likely take you an hour or more. Start Searching When you're ready to keep on going, search your matches by percentage within your desired age range and area. You'll definitely see people you've never seen before, which is great! Like in the step where you figured out what you want in a partner, go look at your top match's profile. Note any words or concepts in there that resonate with you, and write them down next to your List. Next, go look at this match's questions look at the top of their profile, then click on Questions or The Two of You - it'll depend on your Match % as to what you see , and filter by Unanswered By You. Now go and find 2-10 questions of theirs that resonate with you, and answer them in the same fashion. If they only have a few questions answered, go back and do the same with the next match on your list. Rinse, Repeat Each 5-10 questions you answer, re-run your Search by Best Match %, and go through this process again. Again, refer to Optimal Cupid for specifics; briefly, the questions presented to you will change depending on how you answer, and you want control of what you're sharing. When I erased all of my questions and went through this process, it took both me and my guinea pig friends about a week with an investment of 15-20 minutes a day to get to 100. That's your goal as well: 100 questions answered. You'll see with each search that the folks you come across changes in some cases, dramatically , and that some keywords appear more often than others. Keep on taking note of those words, especially if they're important to you. Continue to 5 of 5 below. Get Some Unusual Pictures Posted It's a tricky balancing act, those pictures. You want something that clearly represents your face to meet with the Terms of Service of the site, plus it makes a huge difference when on the app looking for locals. This main picture must also be recent i. Great pictures involve you celebrating with friends or dolled up for a special event, doing something you love like playing and instrument or showing off something you've made, or that showcases a recent trip or experience that meant a lot to you. This is where your friends and family come in really handy: ask them to take many, many pictures of you the next time you're out together, and then have them send them to you. Pick one that looks dynamic, preferably where you're smiling, and puts you in a favorable light, then post it. Whatever you do, put up a new one ASAP, and keep changing it when a better picture emerges. Use Those Keywords I've harped on about those keywords in more than a few places in this mammoth article, and for good reason: those words affect who you see, and who sees you in search. Therefore, take those words that you've compiled, found in other profiles, and that mean something to you and add them to your own online dating profile. Erase anything that you dislike, want to avoid, or come across negatively about in turn -- otherwise you'll attract folks looking for the same in turn, as I and my friend Matt did prior to rewriting. Know that you'll want to rejigger things every once in a while, and review people's questions each time that you look at a new profile to see where you disagree strongly on something. For both me and my friend Matt, we reduced the number of people outside our interest contacting us dramatically in my case, to almost zero , however, we both noticed getting responses and dates with folks that were more focused on the smorgasbord approach than actually dating someone, or building a relationship. A quick tweak to both our answers to reflect this over several weeks made a huge difference in the quality of matches almost instantly. Stay at the Top To stay at the top of everyone's search results, you want to update your profile every single time you log in to. If you can't or don't want to take the time to do this, the site offers an inexpensive feature to get your profile more page views with a similar response. How Did You Fare? Congrats on making it to the end of this article, I know it was a long one. Hopefully, you gleaned some valuable information that assisted you in finding better, more aligned matches with whatever it is you're seeking in your dating life. I'd love to hear about how it worked out for you, and any further suggestions or comments that you have: what worked for you?
